Well, I sat down to write and my mind just went blank. Perhaps it's stress... lack of sleep (been up all night long).. or this loneliness that taken over my soul.


Have a good day LJ!
  • Current Music
    Blue October - Stay (Feel Again)

Swag Bucks!

Swag Bucks is awesome, if you haven't tried it, you should! Earn great gift cards and prizes! Super easy and FREE! Join Swag Bucks Today!
Seriously, it's not a scam .. I've been doing it for years. I'm not a "hardcore" swag bucks gal, but I do ok.. some people literally pay for Christmas, Birthdays etc by doing this, but I'm not that committed to it lol Here's a screen grab of some of my Swag Buck redemptions over the years...
**I haven't earned many the last couple of years because I mainly use my iPhone or iPad to get online.. in previous years I used my PC and therefore earned more swag bucks lol

New holiday theme

So I snagged a new Christmas theme for my LJ. I like it.. I even altered the fonts a bit, so if it's difficult to read, please leave me a message and I'll try to fix it (if I can remember how haha!).

So healthwise, not so great these last few days. Dr requested another test to be done on Monday, so I'm hoping for good results. I'm pretty scared, but hopefully, it's nothing.

I've been getting a few cards from the holiday_wishes community and I gotta say, those cards from "random" people, brighten my day! You post a "wish list" and folks randomly help others out or send them cards if they so choose. Glad I found that Community because this year, I need the cheer!

So, the weatherman has mentioned snow! I'm excited, but I know it's still a week off and things change, but I've got my toes crossed for just a bit at least! If we get some, I'll definitely share pics!

Do people actually write on these like normal journals or does the majority of users use them for alternative reasons (such as cosplay, fan fiction etc.) I've been trying to browse new journals and meet new folks, but it's proven pretty hard. I have nothing against those types of journals or people, it's just not my thing, personally.

Not feeling so good, so I'm cutting it short tonight.
G'Night & Sweet Dreams LJ

P.S. Here's a pic of my Christmas tree. I downloaded Hipster app on my phone, I like this filter...
  • Current Music

Peaceful, Easy Feeling

[Relationship Status] - Married
[Parents still together] – Nope
[Siblings] – 1 Sister, 1 Brother and 2 step-brothers (2 brother in laws & 1 sister in law)
[Pets] - 2 cats

[Color] – Pink
[Number] - Don't have one
[Animal] – Dog
[Book] – The Shack by William P. Young
[Flower] – Tulips

Do You?
[Have tattoos?] – Yep
[Cheat on tests?] – haha..once or twice
[Like roller coasters?] – Yep
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] – Yes, most of the time
[Like cleaning?] – Nope
[Own a cell phone?] – Yep

[Current hair] – Below shoulder length and brown-ish
[Currently playing] – no music
[Last movie you saw] – Christmas with the Kranks
[Last thing you ate] – Frito Chili Pie (with homemade chili)
[Believe there is life on other planets?] – Yep
[Hate yourself?] – Nope
[Collect anything?] – Snowglobes
[Like your handwriting?] – Sure

[First crush] – Allison Plummer's Brother Haha
[You believe in love at first sight?] - No (most people are rarely what they appear to be at first sight!)
[You believe in "the one?"] - Nope (someday I might, but not today)

Are You?
[Sarcastic] – Me? Never!
[Shy] – Not so much
[Talkative] – Depends on who I'm with

Would You Rather
[Pierce your ears or lip?]- Ears have 3 each, but don't want my lip done :(
[Be serious or funny?] - There's a time and a place for both

Are You?
[Simple or complicated?] – Complicated

About You
[What time is it?]- 2:45 AM
[Name] – Tanya Sue Simmons

What do you want?
[Where do you want to live?] – Somewhere further up north, I want SNOW!
[How many kids do you want?] – 4 and that's enough lol
[What kind of job do you want?] - Social Worker or Child Advocacy
[Do you want to get married?] - I am married

[Are you double jointed?] – Nope
[Can you raise one eyebrow?] - Yep
[Can you cross your eyes?] - Nope lol
[Do you make your bed daily?] - Yep, right before I crawl into it each night

Clothes etc.
[Which shoe goes on first?] – Left
[Ever thrown one at someone] - more than once
[How Much money do you carry in your wallet?] – usually none, it just disappears anyhow as soon as Clint finds it.

In the past 24 hours, have you?
[Bought something] - Nope
[Gotten sick] - Nope
[Sang] – Yep
[Felt stupid] - Nope
[Missed someone] - Yep
[Gotten drunk] - Nope
[Gotten high] – Nope
[Danced crazy]- Nope
[Gotten your hair cut] - Nope
[Watched cartoons] - Yep
[Lied to someone] – Nope

Who was the last person?
[Slept in your bed] - Me and Clint
[Saw you cry] - Clint
[Saw a movie with you] – Clint & Kenzie

Have you ever?
[Been to California] – Nope
[Been to Europe] – Nope
[Wished you were the opposite sex] – Yep

1. [Honestly, whats on your mind right now?] - I miss my boys & I'm tired
3. [Honestly, what are you doing right now?] – Doing this survey
4. [Honestly, do you think you are attractive?] - Nope
5. [Honestly, have you done something bad today?] - nope
6. [Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?] – Not by choice..but yes
7. [Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now] - Nope
8. [Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?] - my family
9. [Honestly, do you bite your nails?] - Only when I'm fidgety and nervous
10. [Honestly, what is your mood right now?] - tired
11. [Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?] - C, T, D, & C
12. [Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?] - Yes, who doesn't?
13. [Honestly, do you hate someone right now?] - Nope
15. [Honestly, do you like someone?] - Yeah lotsa people
16. [Honestly, does anyone like you?] - I don't know

Everyone has their firsts
First real best friend: Marsha Clark R.I.P.
First Cell-phone: Nokia
First pet: Dog.. don't remember it's name
First piercing/tattoo: My ears
First fight: besides my siblings? Lindsay Polk (love you Lindz!)

****Everyone has their lasts...****
Last person you hugged: Kenzie
Last time you cried: about an hour ago
Last thing you touched: Keyboard
Last time at the mall: Couple of years ago?! I'm not a "Mall" person, I prefer online shopping LOL
Last person you saw: Clint
Last thing you drank: Sweet Tea
Last time you have been truly happy: I don't even know :(

Name This Post
If you have a Playlist, click "Shuffle" and the song that comes up, will be your Title (:


What I'm feeling tonight can't be put into words. I woke up from a dream.. in this dream I was crying because I didn't want to leave my boys C&T (who live in TN with their Dad) and come back home. I miss them so much. I need their presence in my life... not just every once in awhile but CONSISTENTLY!
On the good side, D and his wife C will be living back here in less than a year.. and for that I am thankful...
however, right now.. my heart aches..

  • Current Music

time keeps on slipping... slipping..slipping...

Wow, isn't it funny how time just slips away from us? Like I can't believe I've not written for a couple of days, but it only feels like one day. Things are busy preparing for the upcoming Holiday, we had a Christmas party this past weekend with friends and family-I worked hard to bring everyone together and decorate.. everyone came-ate-and then left. I had the building reserved ALL DAY, yet everyone just came and left.. like they just had so many other important things to do.. I'm pretty disappointed. 2 friends didn't even bother showing up and another took an amazing trip to the beach (I don't blame her, I would too!). Seems like no matter how hard I try, everyone just wants to go their own way. Maybe I should stop trying so hard to keep us all together and let them all go their own ways. Seems like I'm always the one person trying to keep everyone together.. from family (since my parents divorced about 10 years ago) to my group of friends who all seem to pull away further into their own little worlds.
I gave it my best, they can't say I didn't try..
Have a wonderful Monday-or what's left of it..

Until next time...
  • Current Music
    Linkin Park- My December

The monotony that is my life...

... another day down and closer to what? ...
Christmas? Without my boys coming home this year.. it will be a like a part of my heart is missing... but gotta try my best for Tink.. she's only 7 and she deserves a great Christmas.

I find myself often looking back and wondering where the whole past year went to, yet, wishing the new year would hurry up and get here.  Not quite sure why... it's not like New Year=Better Year .. just wishing my life away I suppose.  I wish I could just live in and for the moment.  How great would life be if each moment were treasured and enjoyed?  Not wishing it was Christmas or wishing it was payday or wishing wishing wishing our lives away?

I think I spend too much time isolated.  Hubby works-so he goes to bed early.. totally understandable.. but even on his days off he's in bed by 9 .. I miss when we used to spend days off watching movies, going out and being sociable just doing ANYTHING but sitting inside the house :(

None of my friends ever want to get together.. always too much going on with their own families.. same with family...

I'm ready for a change.  Not a subtle change, like a BIG change .. something to make me feel alive again!

Seems I'm always thinking of everyone else and doing for everyone else, but seldomly does anyone think to do for me or think of me.
When hubby wants new clothes, he gets them.. when I want new clothes, I spend hours searching in store or online-usually deciding against something I love because I'm worried about the cost, yet he doesn't give a 2nd thought to spending almost $200 on clothes.. I spent barely $100 and I'm freaking out because I know Christmas is right around the corner and that is money better spent on our children, who in my opinion, are more important.

I want a new haircut, a new color, highlights...
I want a car of my own (even if he gets a vehicle and leaves me with the van we have now).  I want to have the option to come and go as I please.
I want stability.. I want to be able to fall asleep at night not worrying about where the next week's groceries are coming from or weather this bill or that bill will be able to be paid.
I want peace in my life and in my soul.  Sometimes I think the only way I can have that peace is being alone.  When there's "someone" else, I always put myself last.  I'm tired of always being put last, by myself and everyone else in my life.
I guess I just want too much...

Maybe someday I can be at peace before I'm laying in a box, 6ft under.

G'night & Sweet Dreams LJ

  • Current Music
    Blue October - Worry List

... 2am, we have to stop meeting like this...

So, here it is.. 2 am again.. here I sit, wide awake.  Tried the usual remedies (warm bath, hot cocoa, had a good cry, etc) yet, here I am.

I wish I lived somewhere that actually had the 4 solid seasons.  I love SNOW!  Most people call me crazy, but there's just something about the peaceful way a snowflake flutters from way up there, down to the ground, the snow already on the ground catching it gently.  It's December-Christmas is coming soon-and our temps are still in the 50's.  I was born in Illinois.  I remember building snow forts back inside snow drifts.  These drifts would be way over my head!  We had tons of fun sledding, building snow forts, having snowball fights, riding snow mobiles etc.  I want to do those things again but the snow here in Arkansas is usually too "dry" or it's mixed with ice.  We had a few really good snows back when I was younger here, but these days it's almost nil most of the time.  To me, Christmas just isn't Christmas without snow.  I would love to cuddle up right now next to a warm fire, Christmas music softly playing and be able to open the curtains by the Christmas tree and see the snow falling.  Most people "California dream" .. but I "Somewhere Snowy Up North' dream hahaa!

Guess I'll try to drift off to dream of a Winter Wonderland... probably the only White Christmas I'll see is in my dreams...

G'night & Sweet Dreams LJ